Oh, boy, am I feeling the anxiety tonight. It's one of those episodes that shows up out of nowhere to remind me of every single thing I've screwed up or every sentence I spoke without thinking about. As much as I am able to recognize these moments when they happen, I still struggle to talk myself down. I feel my chest getting tighter and have difficulty breathing, and my stomach hurts, all while my brain continues its slideshow of my lowest moments.
the funny thing is that I can step back and see this happening, but I can't pull myself out of it. I know I'm not a terrible person, and I mess up (like most of us do), but in these moments, all positives fall away while I immerse myself in a cycle of the lifetime of mistakes I've made and why they make me an awful person. I've been getting back into meditation, which is something I still have to work at. I'm hoping that as I continue to involve meditation in my life that I can use that mindfulness to manage my anxiety.
I think that this is always going to be work for me, but all I can do is work to be better than yesterday.
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