I had someone yesterday tell me I was her Spirit Animal. Funny thing--it's not the first time I've been told that. I have visible nerdy tattoos (Harry Potter and Sailor Moon) and I wear what makes me happy (Lisa Frank or Black Milk leggings). The honest truth is that I try to be my own Spirit Animal. What can I do to make myself the happiest, no matter the mockery I may be? No matter that others may not understand me.
This stems from a different place than I think people expect. It's been over four years since losing one of my best friends to cancer, but his death continues to push me. It's one of the things that I use to remind myself to work, grow, and take chances. I do more than I think I can, I continue to commit myself to things that scare me, all in the service of being better than yesterday. I'd rather be tired tomorrow than not try something today and regret it. I was talking to someone recently about their fear of missing out, and I realized that's not my issue. It's not that I worry about missing out on something; it's that I worry about not trying something. It's a subtle difference, but I'll try to explain. I don't worry about missing all the things I don't know about; I worry about missing out on the opportunities right in front of me.
For example, I just returned from a work trip. I'm exhausted. It was a great trip, but travel is always tiring and stressful for me. I had tickets to go see Andrew WK on his speaking tour tonight. I got home last night. I've hardly seen my husband and I haven't even unpacked. I bought the tickets a couple of months ago, and didn't even consider not going. I don't care if I'm tired; I think Andrew WK's positivity and wisdom is exactly what I need in my life right now. It also brought back memories of my close group of friends, as they're the ones who introduced me to Andrew WK. This led me to thoughts of my friend who passed away. This is both painful and joyful. I miss him so much, but I know he'd be glad I had the party spirit tonight.
I work to make myself the happiest and the best person I can be. I know that I will never achieve "perfect" happiness, as I will never achieve perfection. I am a work in progress, and fully aware of it. All I can do is make decisions that will better me, that will make me happy, and that will help others. This is how I choose to make the world better--by always making myself better, and by just not quitting.
